W is for Whore.

If you know me, you know that I am patriotic on a whole other level and with that comes a strong passion for supporting the troops.

If you know me well you know that my brother is a BAMFing Marine in Afghanland right now. I like to think that I do a good job sending care packages and speaking to these Marines on the phone, email or Facebook chat at all hours of the day. I support them in anyway I can, whether that is to take their mother flowers on their birthday or to do my part by NOT violating OPSEC. I even went so far as to support and console the wives/girlfriends/fiances of these deployed Marines.

Sure with EVERY large group of women there is plenty of petty drama from not agreeing on choices made to being a VirginFUCKINGMary and getting a handfull of Marines NJP'd (see post below) because you are a stupid bitch. I decided to sever my ties with this group of women after being fed up with the daily drama that is over sensitive (sometimes juvenile) Marine wives/girl friends/fiances. 

This brings me to the reasoning behind this blog post today...

WHY DO BITCHES INSIST ON CHEATING ON THEIR DEPLOYED MEN?!?! Can you really NOT go 7-9 months (5 months so far in our case) without being a dumb fucking slut? On multiple occasions during this deployment I have seen/heard/found a bunch of whores who just can't stay faithful.

WHY!?

Are you THAT needy? Do yo need attention THAT much?! Do you not love your significant other? And if this is the case why are you married and more importantly still with them?! If it for financial reasons? Is that why you got married in the first place?

Or is it because you are just a fucking whore?

A Few Situations:

 1)   XL-Dependapotamus: She is one of those young stupid ones who lives with her man's mother... I think... either way she is ALWAYS at her Marine's (LCPL. Hungry) parents house. Apparently XL-dependapotamus was really good friends with one of Hungry's relatives then decided that she wanted to date Hungry...NO!!! FRIENDS DO NOT DATE FRIENDS FAMILY MEMBERS!! FAMILY IS OFF LIMITS!
Now that he IS deployed she feels that his family is dumb for always judging her while she goes to hang out with other guys. HELLO MISS POTAMUS!! Your Marine is deployed! He is in a combat zone getting shot at and roasting his as off! While you go hang out with different guys! Of course his parents and family are not going to be happy with it! Their son is in harms way while you go out making stupid decisions! Yes, give the poor young man SOMETHING else to stress out about... This relationship will not last very long and good riddance. (No, technically this is not cheating but c'mon! have some class).

2) Some bitch left her fiance (a deployed Marine) for another woman so she wouldn't feel so pressures to have children... BITCH! WTF! Why would you agree to marry a man when REALLY you are just a lesbian! Last time I checked it was YOUR body! Do the world a favor and choke on.. snatch.

3) Mrs. LushFakers: This attention loving whore cheated on her husband (Lt. Boot) with some home-wrecking lesbian. Yes, this IS cheating. All this is paired with constantly causing unnecessary drama, being an attention seeking whore and all around trailer-trashiness (not to mention overweight and that is me being nice).  There is so much more I could say on this but I will attempt to stay on topic (but get a real job seriously...).

Also.. just saying biches if you are married MAYBE discourage men that aren't your husband from flirting with you all over FaceBook and probably text messages. OR DON'T FUCKING GET MARRIED! 

Cheating whores aside- MEN STOP DATING SLUTS AND WHORES!!!

Prime example:

Last night  my friend and I were at a concert and 5 Marines ended up parking next to us. After the concert they came back trashed with 2 realllllly slutty girls. Apparently (according to one of their drunken rants) one of those sluts caused him to get stabbed (he was bleeding pretty good from the chest). So he goes on in his rant to say how when he was in Iraq his wife/girl friend/fiance cheated on him and he was tiered of whores.  

BRO! If you are tiered of sluts (or whores) then WHY on earth did you decide on these girls? The girls were wearing almost knee high "cowboy" boots, with too short for their body type Daisy Dukes and corsets?!

YOU CAN'T MAKE A HOE INTO A HOUSEWIFE!!

Dudes! Stop picking up the girls dressed like sluts... unless it is Halloween THEY ARE PROBABLY SLUTS!!

Home-wreckers: Do the world a favor and go shoot yourselves in the motherfucking face. I hate you and the world does too...

                                              

Here are some words of wisdom I live my life by: BITCHES AIN'T SHIT BUT HOES AND TRICKS... just saying.

You stay classy...whores

*Disclaimer: All persons appearing in this work are based on truth. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely because they were probably a fucking whore. Just saying. 

Dear Humorless Bitch...

Again… no one is forcing you to read this, so if you are offended or do not like what you are reading, be sure to stab your eyes with a fork. 

About once a year someone does something either directly or indirectly that I think is worthy of a good flaying. It just so happens that Tuesday (6/12/12) I was informed of one of these flay-worthy events.  I will begin with some background information: 

First things first… After our Marines deployed (2^nd Bn 5^th Mar) we, “The Ladies of 2/5 <3” (A private FB group composed of mostly wives, fiancés, girl friends, bed…occupiers and me.. the sister) were very depressed to say the least, and the group became a really nice place to come and vent or seek advice from older (and wiser) ladies. Despite the warnings of my brother, I continued to talk and hang out with these ladies. For the most part I have met some really awesome, genuine, wise and just plain hilarious ladies. Now, this page had a lot of petty drama too that I won't get into.. But I will say there are a lot of girls between the ages of 17-19 on there that make me want to stab a M-er F-er. They are at that point in their lives where you look back at who you were dating and what you were doing and cringe. Anyway, point being that some of those ladies are awesome sauce and the others are idiots (even some that are not in those teenage years). 

Back to the story..

So last week or so someone was talking about never getting to see photos of their man and whatnot so we all began posting photos, myself included. Some of them were your standard guys just standing in a line and posing for the camera; others were a little sillier like 2 guys on a motorcycle, etc. With that said one photo was posted and it was quite shocking to say the least. Most of us mature adults (..or immature) thought it was hilarious albeit disgusting. Basically the photo was of 4 or 5 Marines with their pants unbuttoned showing the progress of their “Bush off” (basically who can grow.. how does one say this.. basically showing lack of “manscaping”). There were no naughty bits to be seen, just some.. ok a lot of hair. Again most of us commented and said something along the lines of: “HAHAHAHA OMG! GROSS” or “eeewwww! The guy on the right is winning” or even.. “ Boys -_- SMH”. Now all of us left it at that.. except one dumb fucking bitch who had to go and ruin it.. She ended up emailing the Family Readiness Officer (FRO) who ended up contacting some commanding officer who found these guys and are in the process of tearing them new assholes. These Marines were NJP’d and as a part of their punishment were required to write letters of apology to the fucking “Ladies of 2/5”. These letters were very painful to read. These poor guys were just trying to have fun in the middle of a war zone and one sheltered, humorless bitch was offended and potentially ruined some lives. 

Here is a letter from me to you: 

Dear Sanctimonious Bitch, 

That is some nerve you have. Had your virgin eyes never seen pubes before? What you should have done was maybe sent a private message to the woman who posted it and asked her nicely to remove it. Another route you could have taken was to message one of the Admins of the page and ask them to remove it. But you never considered those avenues did you? No, this goes much deeper than simply seeing Marines be Marines. Were you too sheltered as a child? Have you been fucked over by a Marine? Are/were you in love with one of the men pictured and deeply saddened when he decided you were a little bitch and began avoiding you? Or are you one of those women who thinks that she is a Marine and feels the need to tell other Marines on base to shave, cut their hair, take their hands out of their pocket, etc? Do you yourself have penis envy? 

No matter your reason I have come to the conclusion that you are a miserable human being. You are an active member in the group fighting to pussify America. I am not sure if you are aware of this but America is STILL at war.. and this time it is OUR men over there. Yes, our men melting, getting shot at, eating bullshit, going without, getting disgusting stomach bugs, hitting IEDs like.. oh wait nvm.. in the middle (figure of speech.. not an OPSEC violation for you f-ing nazis) of a shit-hole called Afghanistan. I believe that these men have enough on their minds as it is without having the added stress of having to write letters to a now tarnished group known as "The Ladies of 2/5 <3" even though those poor Marines should have just written them to you, the Virgin Mary. 

Either way, what's done is done…until I find out who you are…allegedly. Those poor Marines are being reprimanded, you have gone into hiding and the majority or us ladies with a sense of humor, class and community have left that group and formed our own private group that only has a handful of ladies as opposed to 150+. We now can speak freely ALWAYS without judgement, tell fart and penis jokes, talk shit about.. I mean discuss current events, and bask in the glory of each others' awesomeness. 

With all that said, just remember this: karma is a bitch, you never fuck with a Marine and a Scorpio NEVER forgets… 

Go to hell you rotten piece of shit. 

<3 The biggest bitch you'll ever meet.. other than karma.. and maybe your mom.  

Parking.. It really isn’t rocket science

As many of you well know, people who can’t park are one of my biggest pet peeves. There are 2 effing lines on the pavement; you should have to stay in your effing car until your car is centered in between those lines... or go home!



Now if anyone here is a shitty parking offender, please contact me and I will personally teach you how to park… or show you where to get a bus pass.

                         

(I taught a 16 year old to parallel park with trash cans... full trash cans )

 Watching soccer moms parallel park in front of an elementary school is like watching a dog chase its tail… you almost feel bad for how stupid they are, but it is still really funny. I can also teach people to parallel park. It really is not that hard people.  

                                         

I work with a number of Asians who drive SUVs.. enough said.

Seriously Bro?

I hate you

YOU HAVE A TINY ASS BENZ!!!

(Notice: I always have to park on a spot on the edge with my own tires over the line)

So remember next time you are out with your car and need to park remember that there are bitches like me who have window markers in their car… and are not afraid to leave you a nasty note.. on your windshield… in pink and lime green.

So here is to not parking like an asshole.



New Year's Resolutions:

I can gladly say that I have NEVER made a new year’s resolution, nor do I intend to do so. I figure if I haven’t done whatever it is by now, a new year sure as hell isn’t going to change that. It drives me nuts how at the end/beginning of every year people vow to lose 20lbs, stop smoking, quit drinking, stop spending so much money, etc. Honey, if you haven’t done it by now a new calendar year probably isn’t gonna make you get off your ass and do it. Now I am sure there are exceptions to every rule and that people really do accomplish these things once every blue moon... good for them.

So people, if you are so intent on making some positive changes, why don’t you make some nice short term goals that you CAN accomplish instead of setting yourself up for yet ANOTHER failure. Huh? Like: Today I will not park like an asshole. Or, if you want a challenge maybe: today I will get off my lazy ass and go for a walk.  

Now if you really want to challenge yourself try a weekly goal: This week I will only order fast food once (or twice depending on your dosage).

If you can accomplish a daily and weekly goal, try a monthly one. Sometime this month I WILL visit one of those family members that I have been avoiding like the plague or those “friends” that I never hang out with anymore.. Yeah.. go ahead. Give it your best shot.

As for me I’m just going to make sure that this year (and every year) I look out for #1. It’s all about keeping me happy... because let’s face it... when I’m not happy, I can make sure that all those around me are miserable too.

Happy New Year Everyone. Make “good” choices and remember that good is subjective.

Go Fuck Yourself 2011

Dear 2011,
In my short 24 years of life I have never had a year this shitty. Congratulations you fucking suck. Now I know I have it better than some.. ok better than most and yes I agree, at least I don’t get shot at for a living ( you know I love and support you guys/ladies). But I am still going to go ahead and bitch.. nobody said you had to read this and you don’t have to.  So here it goes:

 I began my year in a relationship that ended soon thereafter. To be honest it ended pretty ugly but I won’t bad mouth him because somehow we became friends (I know all of my other ex’s had their egos maimed and wounded so we have no communication.. I guess this one is a masochist?) . ANYWAY during this super-fun-awesome (sarcasm) breakup I also lost my best friend of 8 years because she decided that she liked my ex more than she liked me and my family who so graciously took her in as one of our own. But I won’t go in to detail about that either as we have many mutual friends ( I really hope you are enjoying your friendship/relationship/whateverthefuckitis with him. Also I am done eating my bagel would you like to come take that off my hands as well?) Hmm.. maybe I should take my meds and finish this later..

Oh I got stranded in a 3^rd world country (Yes, I count Mexico City as a 3^rd world country.. have you been there?!) then a week later almost got stranded in another (Bogota, Columbia) that was fun.. like getting your teeth drilled.

ANYWAY.  I met some people and that was fun ended up getting in a relationship despite my conscious screaming at me not to. And well only a hand full of you actually know what happened there.. really I think like 6 of you know and that’s why I got sick... And that actually ended on “good” terms, well still on speaking terms (again I say weird). Then stupidly we got back together about a month later for 2 weeks before I find out that yes he too was cheating on me when one day his (unknown to me) whore-horsefaced girlfriend texts my little brother and offers him a chance to go on a double date with her and that piece of shit. Needless to say I ended that relationship about 3 minutes later via- text message.. Yes I know what you are thinking.. CLASSY. Well a classy breakup for some SUPER classy people. As they got married around a month later. I hope you both enjoy the abuse and I really hope one of you ends up in a ditch somewhere <3 all the best. Ok.

Things sucked for a while after that. and here is where I say THANK GOD for friends <3 Seriously without friends and family this would have ended badly.. and with friends like these.. who needs armies?

This is when my boss lost both of her children to her POS ex husband and I cannot even begin to say how shitty that was..


 I won’t even start on the family drama.. the count at this point is I’m down 2 boyfriends, 1 best friend, 2 aunts and 1 uncle. Horray. In nerd news my final viewing of the last Harry Potter movie was ruined by a fat bitch (If you are not on my nerd level you will not understand this in the least)

We have reached November. And this is where I arrived home from work one day to find my horse of 13 years in a ton of pain so I call my vet immediately and he came and does what he always does.. then usually the morning she is always fine.. Except that next morning. When I had to call him back and tell him that my horse who I have owned more than half of my life is in a stupid amount of pain and even though I am the most selfish person I know I can’t let her suffer and he needs to come put her out of her misery. So he comes and I watch the life leave her in the field next to my house and now owe about $550 to my vet.  Oh but that’s not all!! Just 2 short weeks later I get the call on a shitty Wednesday night that my grandpa Jack Scholten has passed away.  <3 you and miss you Gramps. Thank you for your service and thanks for being my goofy old grandpa. 

 

 Don’t have any pics of my Grandpa L

Now I also had to trade in Dora (my car of 8 years) because she was really starting to have issues and this doesn’t compare to the last paragraph I wrote but she was my first car and I have a lot of really great memories in that car. I hope Annie is half as cool as Dora was.

Now of course 2011 couldn’t let me leave without one final kick in the nuts. I decided that on Christmas eve I would go on a nice relaxing ride on my baby horse who I have ridden hundreds of times on the same trail we always take.. The ride was going along just fine when all of a sudden my horse decided to break one of my personal records that really did not need to be broken. I have not been thrown off of a horse in 17 years. But 2011 wouldn’t be complete without sending me off without an injury. So yeah. For some reason Luna (that bitch) decided that she did not want to trot through mud (im still not sure if that was it) and decided that pretending she was a bronc was the better way out and bucked me off.. idk how the hell I fucked up my knee because I landed on my back. Her only saving grace was that she stopped turned around and came back to stand over me. She would probably have gotten tied up and she would still be tied up if she wouldn’t have done that. But I am alive (bruised, swollen, in some pretty good pain, missing some skin and limping like an old person) so that’s a positive…

(Here she is standing by me waiting for my parents to come)

I didn’t even touch on the deployments that friends and family are on/went on. Those are never fun and to be honest they suck.

Chargers sucked but I didn’t expect anything different.. Go Saints.

I got a few new scars, learned a few new lessons and made some memories with good friends that will make this year worth living. Horray nerd club, all my friends that ride and rode with me, horray my partner in crime we had some awesome adventures, thanks  Zoolander, my family and thanks to everyone on here who left some encouraging words or told me that the shit I say on here made them laugh. 

 

Now I told some people I would write all this crap down and post it.. so if you feel the need to post a comment about how much worse off you are or how this isn’t that bad .. prepare to get your ass handed to you. I need to up my dosage, its shark week, I am in a good amount of pain and I am just looking to take my anger out on someone..it might as well be you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. <3

The. End.